Positive Musing: 4 Things That Don’t Annoy Me

Do I come off as a little harsh to you? Is it hard to stomach my biting wit and brilliant criticism? Here’s something I know. Life isn’t about being a hater. People who use words like “hater” may annoy you but there’s no reason to be a dick, right now. I’m going to start a new column on the blog that is devoted to things that aren’t terrible. I think that our entire lives should end with us being more open-minded and kind than we’ve ever been before. We should grow in our openness. As human beings in a developed world full of new ideas and inventions a willingness to accept new ideas should be our greatest asset in the coming years. Pet peeves should be obstacles for us to over come, not quirks that define us. There are a lot of people with pet peeves, and they suck. Whatever annoys you, know that it’s something wrong with you more often than not. Don’t blame people others when you’re annoyed. It’s your fault. Your annoyance is a character defect, not a world defect. With that in mind, here’s a few things that don’t bother me.

4.) Selfies

My girlfriend’s fourteen year old niece spends most of her day taking photos of her own damn face all christing day. She’ll stop , mid stride, and take a quick pic of herself and caption it “In the kitchen, not baking, lol.” She really loves the look of her own image, and apparently other people “like” it too. What is the most poignant part of this entire social media transaction? I could not give less of a shit.

Ryan Bell Firefly granola bar

I’ve been known to indulge in pictures of myself

The criticism of selfies is always shaded with this idea that it is A.) new, and B.) specific to the current generation.  I don’t think there is anything inherent in the modern zeitgeist to say that people born after 1985 love their own forearms to be in images of their faces. Instead I think selfies are very much entwined with human nature. We like looking at ourselves, that explains mirrors. As people, in general, we think that look on our faces is god damned important. Is that something to be ashamed of? Should we hide, chagrined about our own genetic solipsism? No. Fuck that. If you look cute Snapchat that shit to a bestie. If you like the way the light is hitting a leaf, make sure your adorable nose makes it into the shot.

People who get mad at other’s taking pictures of themselves are wasting their time. If you feel good about yourself put it on Instagram. Who cares if it upsets your lonely hipster ex? You broke up with her, right? There’s this anti-selfie culture that poses as intellectual. You aren’t smarter just because you refuse to take pictures of yourself. You aren’t even less selfish. If you do nothing but obsess over what other people do wrong, you’re way worse than the people you’re railing against. Don’t let people like this keep you down. It’s a fun fad, and there is absolutely no harm so fuck anyone who doesn’t like it.

3.) Pictures of Food

Much like the anti-selfie crowd people who are against pictures of food on social media see themselves as intellectually elite. They are the ones who see foolish Facebook rubes and know better than to follow their absurd example. the question is, why? Why do you give a fuck if you see someone’s duck l’orange under a Mayfair filter? Are you so petty and useless that you need to worry about pictures someone else took?

Instagram meal and recieve concussion

This person would say “Yes.”

“But, they’re the ones who are petty and useless for putting up such useless pictures.” Sure, there’s no logical point in going to a fancy restaurant and posting pictures of your food to Twitter, but so what? It’s fun. Plenty of short sided bored women have said there is no point to sports, but that doesn’t mean they are actually useless. People like sports and just because they’re never going to cure cancer or eliminate poverty, doesn’t mean they don’t serve a purpose. Entertainment is just as worth while as science and mathematics, in many ways. Think about. Tons of civilizations did just fine without knowing even the most basic algebra, but none went without music.   Same goes with every form of entertainment. We need things that our fun.

My biggest problem with movement against people taking pictures of food is that there is a subtle filter of sexism as well as agism. Where we stand now in human history it’s safe to say cultures have always had a problem with “kids these days.” Prejudice against young people is nothing new, and it’s been harmless for the most part. You grow out of being a kid, and grow into talking shit on the newest even douchier generation. Prejudice against women is something more damaging, however. And face it, when you pictured someone taking pictures of their dinner it wasn’t a dude. If you can find it within yourself to not give a shit about photos of nice looking food you’d be doing women in general a favor. And who knows? Maybe you could even enjoy how pretty the knife work on those strawberries.

2.) Political Correctness

The average racist will tell you that we live in a world of “political correctness gone mad.” It’s just crazy. You can’t even say anything anymore without needing to apologize publicly. We’re like little Victorian lords and ladies who need to be so prim and proper or we’ll be fired for “behavior unbecoming of an auto salesman,” or whatever. I’m sorry salesperson

Political Correctness Einstein

See?!? Einstein agrees!

Let me be very clear, if you are a in a social position where society tells you you’re supposed to be politically correct then the practice has nothing to do with you. Using phrases like “Korean American” instead of “Chinese or something” is kind. It’s the nice thing to do. Being PC isn’t pointless, it’s about manners. You remember those things they taught you in kindergarten? Things like “please,” “excuse me,” and “I don’t think they like ‘colored’ anymore” are code words for “I’m a decent person.” Just because you don’t understand doesn’t you get a pass on not being a dick.

Not being PC can hurt people, it hurts in a way you cannot identify with if you’ve never been offended in that way. White people who don’t get why they can’t say the N word don’t need to get it. They just need to not say it. “But black people say it all the time!” Fuck you. You aren’t allowed to say certain words if you were born a certain race, gender, or orientation. That’s the way it is. “But my gay friend lets me call him a fag.” Fine but don’t let yourself think that you get some pass in your next tweet, or comment in an article about the Winter Olympics being held in Russia. Being offended is a genuine emotion, not a tool to make you feel guilty. I know some people do use it as a way to make you feel bad on someone else behalf (the old, “hey don’t say that, my cousin has dyslexia”) but there are  people who actually get offended, and for them the casual jokes you make actually hurt. Political correctness is another way of saying “kindness.” So don’t be a jerk. It’s gay, not queer, black, not negro, and latino, not “portuh ricken.” If you don’t like it, it’s because you’re an asshole.

1.) YOLO

Drake was on SNL the other day, apologizing for popularizing this phrase. It was a funny joke, whose humor was not lost on me. I understand that a lot of people are off put by the popularity of such a nonsensical and odd phrase. I’m even confused I mean, is it a word or a complete scene or what? You do only live once, but Drake didn’t break that news to us, neither did drunk sorority girls. I mean, YOLO is just some nonsense that idiots to wast our time.

Yolo Faith in Humanity

Wait, really? Faith in humanity? Like if YOLO was an acceptable word on a scrabble rip off app, then we as a species and genus would be doomed. No homos or sapiens to come after us. That’s pretty fucking grim. We survived dark ages, wooly mammoths, and the entire twentieth century, but the acronym “You Only Live Once” will be our entire undoing. Is that for real? No, of course not. It’s hyperbole. But it’s a very odd way to use humorous exaggeration. What is “faith in humanity,” how do you quantify hope for our entire race? If it’s measured by our ability to avoid silly phrases, then sure that faith could be lost or restored that flippantly. But if it’s based on our ability to preserve the planet, while still being kind to one another and ending wars whenever we’re able along with getting plenty of exercise and eating right but still producing plenty of art, then I don’t see what YOLO has to do with that.

YOLO is an acronym that rhymes with a lot of words, so it’s great for music, especially rap. It’s a short word that’s fun to say. Sure, it makes a dumb tattoo. It’s just a fad though, and it isn’t hurting anyone. A tattoo of troll toy would be pretty awful too. People take fads to extremes all the time, and there’s nothing wrong with them. They just want to be accepted. People who want to be accepted shouldn’t be hated, but pitied. Don’t rail against those who are saying thing that annoy you. Feel bad for them. Those poor people who trade personalities for catchphrases shouldn’t be pariahs, they’re simply pathetic. You’re choice with something pathetic should be to do something to make them less sad, or just ignore it. Don’t say “fuck those people,” just forget them. Your anger only makes you as pathetic as they are.


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